Everything was there. The boxes and boxes of stuffed animals and Beanie Babies that have followed me from house to house since I was a kid. A bag of ancient baby clothes my mom didn’t want to throw out, so gave to me instead.
If you looked through each box, you could see exactly who I was at 4, 7, 12, 18, and 22.
At 29, I stood there thinking, what the fuck am I going to do with all of this?
I’m a chronic thrower-outer, mostly. I can get rid of things I’ve purchased for myself without a second thought; the problem comes when I want to toss something someone has given me.
When it comes to downsizing, as humans we struggle when:
We don’t know how to organize our shit
We have too much stuff, and don’t know where to start
We feel wasteful throwing items away
The internet has a lot of information to help those dealing with chronic disorganization.
If you watched TLC in the early 2000s, you know how big of a boner everyone had for the keep / donate / recycle method. But what about when you’re emotionally attached to the things you’re trying to remove?
You can learn how to organize, put effort into downsizing, and buy a storage solution, but getting over the hump of emotional attachment is more complicated than that. It doesn’t have a simple solution.
That’s what I realized when I was standing there, up to my knees in – well – junk.
I felt guilty about severing my attachment to these items, and that’s why they had successfully followed me from house to house and city to city over the last ten years. I SAW TOY STORY 3, OKAY. And it fucked me up.
The more I sat and debated what I was going to do with these glassy-eyed teddy bears and boxes full of dolls, the worse I felt. I knew getting rid of these things would make me feel good – eventually – but I’d have to rip the bandaid off, quick.
How to Get Rid of Stuff When You’re Really, Really Bad at It
Here’s what I try and remember:
⏃ Your junk doesn’t want to sit alone in a box or bag. Why squirrel away old stuffed animals when someone else could enjoy and love them?
⏃ It can be overwhelming and emotionally taxing to go through everything at once. If you can, split your pile up into boxes or Rubbermaids, and go through one per week.
⏃ Your memory is not the physical item.
⏃ Ask yourself if you’re keeping the item because you want it, or because you feel indebted to it or the person who gave it to you.
⏃ Let yourself keep the very important things. Designate a space for your memories, and allow yourself to fill that shelf or box. If something doesn’t fit, either it or another item goes.
⏃ Crossing unfinished business off your list will free up time + energy for future you. Recycle the project you never finished, donate the ~skinny pants~ you’ll never fit back into, and sell the jewelry you haven’t worn in ten years.
The advice I would give my year-ago self is: make a memory book.
Actually, I would give this advice to my 18-year-old self, too. There are lots of items I’ve donated that I wish I had some memory of – and a photo book would have suited my needs perfectly.
I usually do a deep clean once a year – spring cleaning is real! – and, for the last two years, I’ve created a photo book after the dust has settled.
Photo books are so dangerously easy to create and publish, I have NO IDEA why I didn’t start doing them earlier. To make a memory photo book, I’ll take a picture of each sentimental item I’m donating, and then I’ll write a little caption for it. As I put my photo book together, I’ll do either 2 or 4 items per page, alongside their little caption.
There are SO MANY GOOD PHOTO BOOK SITES OUT THERE! I personally use Mixbook for my photobooks, but there are tons of other photo book companies like Blurb and Costco.
Because Mixbook is my fav, here’s a little coupon:
My last piece of advice is: find a reason to throw things away.
It will make it easier to let go if you can donate your old magazines to an after school art program, your old blankets to an animal rescue, and your childhood toys to a Women in Need shelter.
If you’re worried you won’t remember the sentiment behind something, take a picture of the item. With enough photos, you can create a photobook that includes little stories, descriptions, or anecdotes related your memory.
You own your possessions; they don’t own you.
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I badly needed this. Thank you. I’ll try to act on all the tips you gave 🙂
I am really bad at getting rid of stuff. I am getting better at it, but your tips were helpful. Thanks for the motivation!
This post is such great timing because the last two days I have been reorganising and cleaning out the house! I’m actually not too bad at getting rid of stuff but my mum is – she keeps the most random crap because of the memory attached to it. We’re both quite sentimental but I make sure the stuff I keep is what I will want to look at when I’m sitting in my chair at 80 years old.
You’re so right about stuff not wanting to sit on an empty shelf or in a bag somewhere. My mum got this huge teddy bear for her 21st birthday and it’s been on my brother’s closet for years and became known as “booger bear” when we were kids. It’s so gross and needs to be thrown out but she’s struggling to do it, even now (it’s been 34 years!).
Erin x
I know the feeling of feeling guilty giving away things people have given you. Great tips on how to….
I still have toys and stuff from when my kids were little. Now that they have kids some of the old toys are slowly going out the door as my grandkids get older.
Purging stuff. My favorite pastime!
Such a great reminder! My mom has hoarding tendencies, so I usually am quick to throw out items. However, I do get sentimental about items that I’ve gotten traveling even after my style has changed.
I am the worst about this stuff. (“stuff” being the operative word) Your advice is good. I always end up keeping a few really sentimental things . . . but, it is definitely easier to go about your life efficiently when you’re not drowning in a sea of boxes/bags/crates of memorabilia.
I have always had the exact opposite of this problem. I’m always de-cluttering and purging old items. Quite a few times I’ve gone looking for the item after I’ve gotten rid of it. Not a good place to be in either.
Same here! Haha! I think I’ve started having trouble declutching because of that!
I needed this, since I’m in the midst of a cross country move. I’m definitely downsizing so I can travel more, and it helps when I get rid of things to think “this will help get me to Greece” 😉
xoxo, erin | sandsunandmessybuns.com
This would have helped me when I was packing for college! I brought so much I never used.
This definitely speaks to me. We have lived in our house for about 4 months and we still have boxes. I think its that I need to adopt some of the attitudes you suggested.
this is so interesting! For me, its mostly that I feel wasteful or will regret throwing something out later. It always happens!
-Stefanie
http://www.thestylesafari.com
These are some great tips! I’m good with getting rid of things sometimes but there are certain things that I struggle with but know I need to!
LOVE the idea of creating a photo album if you can’t toss your things — i might try this for my husband who is Mr. Sentimental and doesn’t want to throw anything away!
Yessss do it! It was the greatest thing to happen to my childhood toys (and memories!)
These are great tips! I need to do a closet clean out!
Why do you have to use ugly words? You may be a role model for someone.
I am a role model for many people, and words are just words – intention makes them ugly 🙂
I need this article that is why I clicked on it from Pinterest. But when I got into reading it and discovered your HUGE potty mouth I couldn’t ignore it and go any further. You have great tips, but so do a lot of other sites that do a great job writing with a little class. I’ll be going there,. I know you could care less, I’m just letting you know that I will not be following you.
🙂
I need this article that is why I clicked on it from Pinterest. But when I got into reading it and discovered your HUGE potty mouth I couldn’t ignore it and go any further. You have great tips, but so do a lot of other sites that do a great job writing with a little class. I’ll be going there,. I know you could care less, I’m just letting you know that I will not be following you.
Sweet idea to create a photo album with a little anecdote, serves the same purpose. We just moved and man oh man, boxes full of decades old stuff. It’s too much of a burden, I feel my real life is smothered by all that extra weight. 🏡
I was really interested in your post until I encountered the language. Especially the F-word. So I choose to stop reading.
Actually, I could NEVER criticize anyone who uses profanity – because at 74 I have no one on the Planet except for my dear sweet little Schnazuer, I work for the White House and I try to conduct my hermitage (26 years a widow) with a little class when I am out in public. And YET, when I am at home, if I stub my toe (for instance) I yell “F===” so loudly I’m sure everyone in the North Pole can hear me. Fact is, the PAIN makes me not care WHO hears me.. Daily, I answer a lot of emails and admit to using whatever words come to mind – without guilt. Because some of these people are so stupid, I don’t think they HAVE any intellect to offend.
As to your BLOG, I’ve been looking at “reorganizing” and “purging” sites for six months – all the same and ALL fairly useless. So I’d like to compliment you. Yours is terrific. I’m a journalist (who HATES fake news), and I appreciate REALLY, REALLY insightful and truly helpful information regarding the agony of downsizing, and your blog gave it to me. I WILL follow you, –and to all the people who are offended by your verbiage – be sure not to miss Church on Sunday! If all churches had confessionals, I’m sure you’d be visiting more often.
Personally, I use (in the solitude of my own home) a list of expletive deletives that would probably make the Devil’s face turn red., and I don’t care about offending HIM.
Why does a person use cusswords? I only know why I use them. It’s simple. Because 53% of this country wants it to become Progressive/Communistic , and they’re intent on destroying America from the inside out. Furthermore, they have no respect for a man who has given up EVERYTHING to try to save their sorry behinds. So to all the intelligent, frustrated “cussers” out there, I say “Cuss Away. At least it’ll keep you from wanting to blow your brains out”.
I love your advise👍! I also love how you really don’t give a shit what you say🤣 I have shit piling up in every room of my house almost not to mention my hubbies shit hole of a garage😁 and no I am not a horder😜I am going to try the photo thing and see if it works. Thanks for adding some humor to a big problem!😊
you’ve such a great straightforward attitude to what can be a huge problem, thank you, will try to use this approach as we’ve just emptied oour loft into the garage and not making much progress, love the idea of a photo book. Also love Gillyanne s comments.
Hey, Don’t worry about the “potty mouth” – it made me LAUGH OUT LOUD…in spite of the fact that I’m always depressed about the crap that has accumulated around me! Thank you for some good advice. I am so ready to get rid of my junk; I do NOT want to burden my family with it. But it’s so hard to find enough time to get through it all. I read the “Kon Mari” method book, and was like, Yeah, easy for you to do when you’re single & no kids; say good night to your unloaded purse and dream away bitch! But for people who have jobs & kids & parents, it ain’t easy! I’ve been at this decluttering thing for 25+ years…I have to congratulate you for having some fresh ideas about dealing with it. My daughter, (an amateur interior decorator & ruthless minimalist) has threatened to write in my obituary that I was “a crazy lady who hoarded cat shit” – and I don’t have a cat. Hasn’t worked yet, but I am hoping your suggestions will! Thank you.